What Do I Do If I’m Scared To Ride After Having A Baby?
Are you scared to get on your horse after having children? 50% of the people I coach in needing to overcome fear or needing to get more confidence in their riding have children.
The first step to overcoming fear after having kids is to work out what’s logical. The next step is to realise that just because you have something that depends on you (your baby) this doesn’t mean that you look after your baby to the exclusion of everything else! Find the time, find a way it can work – get back out there and start enjoying!
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To Your Success,
Hello, riding superstars. I am thrilled that you’re here. So firstly, congratulations! You’ve had a baby or maybe two babies or maybe five babies, I don’t know. But congratulations. Eeekk! That’s how I felt in my first year of motherhood. So, full of love, full of admiration, and full of hugs for you.
Most people, shouldn’t say most, 50% of the people I coach in needing to overcome fear or needing to get more confidence in their riding have children. And the story goes, I was really confident, I was really … I’d get on anything, I’d do anything and then I had a baby and now I’m too scared to get on. And they don’t understand it because nothing happened, there wasn’t a fall, there wasn’t an incident. There was me before baby, super crazy confident, get on anything. And then there’s me after baby, not getting on anything.
And you have to understand, you got to look at it logically and go, well, hang on, ’cause there was no incident, there was no anything, there was no nothing. All that’s happened is that you’ve become a mother.
What does that mean? And remember, everything we do in our brain is based on survival and based on what cave men would do because that’s where our brains are at. And it wouldn’t make sense for someone who’s now just populated the world and had a baby, that baby needs its mother to look after it. Otherwise, it won’t survive in the wild or in the world, getting a bit too David Attenborough for us.
But that’s why the survival mechanism comes in and the brain says to the mother, “You now can’t do any risk activities because you’ll leave a baby motherless.” And that’s literally how mothers feel. They literally say, “I start thinking what if something happened to me and I’d leave my child without a mother.” They are literally the words that come of your mouth. Whereas before you have a baby, that’s not in your thinking. It really doesn’t matter if you leave this earth, what would you leave behind? Nothing that is actually depending on you.
So the fact that something is depending on you is a big thing, as we all know.
So what we need to do is a) find out what’s logical. If you have a horse that tried to kill you before you had a baby, then there’s every chance that it might try and kill after you have a baby and you might need to think about your horse choice and the choices that you want to make around there.
If it’s an irrational fear, if your horse is a plodding like thing like this and it doesn’t do anything except the normal risks that can happen when you ride horse, which is the same as the normal risks when you drive a car, same as the normal risks when you fly in an airplane, same as the normal risks when you go in the shower, people die in the showers, they slip. Just telling you.
Sorry. If they have a normal risk than you riding a horse, you need to shut down that part of your brain and say, “No, I accept the risks that are coming and I choose to do this activity acknowledging the risks, but I need to do this to make me whole again.
The other thing I notice with mothers is they can lose themselves in this whole job of looking after something that depends on them. And you’re right, you are looking after something depends on you, but don’t make that to the exclusion of everything else. If you give up riding after you have a baby, and I know it’s hard, you feel like the worst mother in the world, I always feel like the worst mother in the world. Like, when I have the babies, they’re in the pram, they start crying, you’re like, do I keep riding? Do I still look after them? And of course, you get off the horse, it’s a natural thing when you hear your baby cry you have to go to it.
And so you go, “Oh my God, I’m not riding, I only got on for five minutes and then the baby starting to cry.” Okay, that’s all right. At least you gave it a go. The fact that you commit to doing something for you, the fact that you commit to making time for you and what you like to do rather than 24 hours being a mother, I know this is probably getting very controversial, but the thing is, people say you can’t have it all and you can’t, but that doesn’t mean you should go for nothing either.
If you’ve just had a baby and you want to get back into riding and you’re struggling with it, find the time, find the way it can work, and accept that it’s not going to look perfect. It’s not going to be how the way it used to be and that’s perfectly, awesomely fine. If you have got tension, if you have got nerves, again, you’re only going to work on that when you ride and you’re going to feel, lots of people get nervous because the body doesn’t work the same, it really doesn’t. There’s abdominal separation and there’s relaxin pumping through your body which means that your muscles can’t tense how they used to.
So you used to feel secure on the horse and now you don’t. Again, all those abs come back, those muscles come back as you keep riding and as you keep working.
So lots of love to all those mothers out there. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help and I’ll see you guys soon.
I’d also love to invite you to my Free Fear training class on how to overcome your fear and ride confidently without feeling nervous, anxious and out of control. In this free training class you’re going to learn how to have unshakable confidence on your horse, even if you’ve had your riding fears for years, using a powerful training tool.
I’m also going to teach you that you don’t need to ride your horse to make the fear go away. You can overcome your riding fear off the horse. You’ll also learn how you can ride confidently regardless if your horse is playing up, being naughty, or trying to throw you off. You’ll smile and laugh at the situation now.
So click the link below to join us in the free class.