FearLESS Friday Ep80
My problem was I had a green broken eight year old filly who was good at playing tricks and my last ride I had was I lost my balance as she shied and ended up with a mild concussion, 12 months ago.
When I’m coaching someone about fear, I look at what true evidence and what things they have in their brain that I need to break down. But I’ve now just had something from her story that I have in my evidence bank. What is it?
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Natasha Althoff: We have the beautiful Jess. Thank you for joining me, I was going to say on my couch, but we’re not on a couch.
Jess: No, we’re on chairs.
Natasha Althoff: Jess said just before the camera turned on, “I’m really scared.”
Jess: Yeah, I am.
Natasha Althoff: And I’m like, “Oh that’s good, because it’s a FearLESS session.” But we’re scared about the FearLESS session that might be about riding.
Natasha Althoff: So, thank you so much to Jess. You want to say hi to everyone or pretend they’re not there?
Natasha Althoff: So Jess has so lovingly, wonderfully said that she’s happy to share her story with everyone because apparently I’m kind of okay and good at what I do, so I should be able to help you. And by helping you and seeing your journey might help some other people at home, which I thought was kind of cool, that you were willing.
Jess: I hope so. That’d be good.
Natasha Althoff: You hope so, what? That I can help or that…
Jess: No, that we can help everyone else.
Natasha Althoff: I love it. Of course we can. It’s what we do.
Jess: We can help me. That’s easy.
Natasha Althoff: Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Okay, so would you like me to share what’s going on or do you want to do the intro?
Jess: You can do it.
Natasha Althoff: Okay, it’s going to be like, “This is Jess, she’s…” I don’t know your age…
Natasha Althoff: We don’t need to say, we say in the twenties or in the thirties.
Jess: No, no, we’re 28.
Natasha Althoff: 28. We’ve had a baby four months ago?
Jess: Yeah, just under.
Natasha Althoff: Or is it 16 weeks.
Natasha Althoff: 15 weeks.
Jess: 15 weeks.
Natasha Althoff: 15 weeks ago, we’ve had a baby boy. Very cute.
Jess: He is.
Natasha Althoff: If everyone, they’d probably want to know, C-section?
Jess: Yes, emergency C-section.
Natasha Althoff: An emergency C-section. We were riding up until we found out we were pregnant, then we didn’t ride, so we’ve had like nine months, nine plus four months, so over a year.
Jess: Yeah, 12 months off.
Natasha Althoff: Have not sat on a horse for over a year. Then when you were riding, were you feeling 100% confident when you were riding 12 months ago?
Jess: My problem was I had a green broken eight year old filly who was good at playing tricks and my last ride I had was I lost my balance as she shied and ended up with a mild concussion, 12 months ago.
Natasha Althoff: Was that your last ride?
Jess: That was my last ride.
Natasha Althoff: She’s making my life easy.
Natasha Althoff: I didn’t know it was your last ride.
Jess: So I ended up with mild concussion and then three weeks later I’m like, why have I still got a headache? Why am I still feeling nauseous? Did the pregnancy test, and went, “Uh-oh.”
Natasha Althoff: I love it. All right. When I’m coaching someone about fear, I look at what true evidence and what things they have in their brain that I need to break down. But I’ve now just had something from her story that I have in my evidence bank. What is it?
Jess: That wasn’t the worst one?
Natasha Althoff: Yeah. That you’ve fallen off worse previous, and gotten on and been okay.
Jess: Yeah. It took me a while, but yeah.
Natasha Althoff: But yes. So your brain should be running that same understanding of going, the same thing will happen. So what I’d love for you to tell me is if I said, “Oh, by the way, we’re about to get on the horse now.” What happens?
Natasha Althoff: But what happens? So, I’m assuming-
Jess: My head kind of goes, “Holy shit. Why?”
Natasha Althoff: Okay. Is there a feeling? Did your heart skip a beat or did your stomach lurch?
Jess: My stomach lurched.
Natasha Althoff: Okay. And did it come up or did it sink to the bottom?
Jess: It dropped.
Natasha Althoff: It dropped.Yeah. Okay. And if that feeling was to have a shape, what kind of shape would it have?
Jess: I feel like it’s like a puddle.
Natasha Althoff: What I want you to realize is, so this power fire comes from you.
Natasha Althoff: So there’s a part of you that has power.
Natasha Althoff: Because there’s a part of you that says, when I want something, I get it.
Natasha Althoff: Do you think somewhere, a little, little.
Jess: Oh yeah, there’s a little.
Natasha Althoff: Yeah. She’s very little. There’s also a part of you that says, “I know I can do this.” She’s very little.
Jess: She’s very little at the moment.
Natasha Althoff: Yeah. Yeah. Who else is there? Like, I feel like you have a little family of little people. Not quite sure of it yourself, but these people are really little and they live in your heart, getting warmed by this tiny fire and we need to figure out how to make them magical big people and make this fire big enough to burn out that puddle.
Jess: What else would be ..
Natasha Althoff: And every time you hear them say, “We can do this, it’s going to take time and effort, but we can do this.” What do you think that does to the fire?
Jess: It makes it a little bit bigger.
Natasha Althoff: And every time the fire gets a little bit bigger, what do you think happens to this pond of water?
Jess: It dries up.
Natasha Althoff: And that’s our journey.
Jess: Okay. So I’ve got to ignore my gut and listen to the little people in the heart.
Natasha Althoff: Yes.
Jess: They know better.
Natasha Althoff: So next session, what we’re going to do is… We’re not done yet. There’s so much. So next session what we’re going to do is go deeper on, again what you’re doing unconsciously to bring conscious change towards it. So then you’re going to therefore feel differently about the situation. Because all we’re doing is playing with your feelings. Right now you have an emotion that we don’t want to have, the F emotion. We want to change it to another F emotion. Let’s have some fun.
Natasha Althoff: Great. Cool. All right, thanks.
Jess: You’re welcome.
Natasha Althoff: All right, so I’d love to invite you to my free Fear training class on how to overcome your fear and ride confidently without feeling nervous, anxious, and out of control. In this free training class, you’re going to learn how to have unshakable confidence on your horse, even if you’ve had your riding fears for years, using a powerful training tool. I’m also going to teach you that you don’t need to ride your horse to make the fear go away. You can overcome your riding fear off the horse. You’ll also learn how you can ride confidently regardless if your horse is playing up, being naughty or trying to throw you off. You’ll smile and laugh at the situation now. So click the link below to join us in the free class.