Podcast Episode 7: Goal Setting and Dream Setting - Even if you have to change your timeline when things don't go as planned!

Today Natasha shares with you one of her favourite topics - goal setting! Even in 2020, when all of our goals from the start of the year don't look like they will happen, it's still important to keep moving forwards, set those goals and dreams - and just change the timeline if something gets in the way!

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Full Transcript Expand to full transcript

Goal-setting today. We're going to talk about goal setting and in particular, um, well ask me any questions you have around goal setting, but I just want to share with you, you're not the first person in the world to set a goal, everyone, this year set a goal and, um, it's probably not going to happen. Okay. So there was everyone, there was a lot of athletes around the world that went, okay, so July, August 2020 gold medal or Olympic representation, that's what they've been working towards for the last four years. And now obviously that's not happening and it doesn't matter how much, how hard they try or how hard they train or what they do, the Olympics aren't running. So you have to change the goal. So we are going to talk a little bit about why, when do you change the goal and when do you absolutely refuse to change the goal?
And even though you're not getting any closer to it, what do you do instead? All right. So goal setting, what the hell is goal setting? To me, goal setting is what's even more important before we even get to goal setting is dream setting. And most people don't dream set. Most people have been told or they believe. And why do they believe it? Because they've been told that they can't have their dreams, they can't live their dreams. I don't know if anyone was ever told, um, I'll stop being stupid. Uh, stop living with your head in the clouds that will never happen to you. That could never happen for you. That things like that don't happen where, um, uh, an Althoff and that means X you know, or we're a Smith. And if you're a Smith that means X and you get pigeonholed and you get put in with a ceiling around you of what you're allowed to have in this life and what you're allowed to aim for in this life.
Now, I'm very, very lucky. I had two types of upbringing. Um, my father was very much in the box. He came from a family in, um, Germany that was a factory worker and a housewife. And they very much were clear on what they were allowed to dream felt like there was just nothing that the dream was go work in a factory, um, and then retire and then die. Big dreams, big dreams. Now out of that came my father and he, um, uh, definitely, um, had different dreams. Absolutely, but he was still pigeonholed by limited, in a certain way. Now my mother came from a completely different, um, environment. She came from her mother that was very much, I can have anything I want in the world. I just need to figure out how to get it. And, um, uh, her way of getting it was very, I'm not going to judge her for it.
I think it's a very clever way of getting it. Um, a hundred years ago when women didn't have the rights that we have. And, um, yeah, she always, my grandmother was hugely influential. Um, in me believing that I could have horses and ride horses and I, she would just, um, we would only go visit her once a year, but once a year would visit her for about a week. And I remember every night I'd lie on her lap and she would brush my hair and I'd say, grandma, tell me, tell me about my life. Tell me about what I'm going to do. And she would fill my head and tell me of all the horses I was going to have and all the riding I was going to do. And did we have any idea at that time? I didn't own a horse at that time, we lived in a suburban house.
I was, I'd ridden maybe 10 times in my life. There was no reason why she should say that one day I was going to have my own horse place and have horses and, and ride. Um, there was no reason she said that. Um, but I was young and impressionable and didn't think to ask, how is this going to happen? Um, and she was smart enough to know, just fill her head with this and she'll find a way. So, uh, yeah, that's, that's, I, I'm always grateful. And I remember, you know, I'd run to my dad with pictures of my horse property and he would laugh at me and say, that's never going to happen, Natasha. That's you'll never going to do that. Um, I definitely had both sides of that won't happen. That can't happen. That don't even think about that that won't happen as of, and also this is your life.
Absolutely. This is your life. This is just going to happen. It's a given. So I'm very, very lucky for that. But if you're thinking, Oh, I didn't have any of that. All I had was the ceiling and the, you can't do that. You can't have that, go get a real job. Um, you've got to put food on the table. How are you gonna put food on the table with that idea? If you had any of that, most likely you've been influenced by that. So I would love for you where, you know, we're in a really unique situation where the world's kind of shifted and we have an opportunity to really sit down and go, okay, how do we want our world, our personal world, and our experience with that to be different, moving out of this. And you've got the time you're not running around taking kids to birthday parties, um, drinking, going out and drinking yourself, um, being social, going to the movies.
You're not doing any of it. So you've got such an opportunity to sit down and think about who are you and what do you want to have? I know that sounds scary. And I know that sounds ridiculous because, um, so what if you want to have things, how are you going to get them how life is? And our brains are amazing when we commit to something, we find a way, if we don't believe it's possible, we will never find a way, even if the way is staring us in the face. So you really need to think about are you brave enough to commit to this? And this is where I think it gets down to when I work with, with, with riders or with humans that want to create a bigger life for themselves. There's huge amount of fear there. So at least get clear on the language, not, Oh, I don't have that because I'm not lucky. Or I don't have that because, um, insert excuse here. I don't have that because I wasn't brave enough to go for that. I know I'm being harsh and I'm being unfair. And, um, you can call me whatever names you want. And I'm only saying this because I love you so much. And I want you to hear the words. And I want you to think about what if you were brave, what if you were brave enough to follow your dreams?
So I'm glad you guys are loving it. Good, good, good. And, um, you know, and I just want to share some stories of some amazing goal setters that I've had the most amazing opportunity to work with. Like Tammy, she started a business because of her work with me. She's done, she's done so much because of her work with me, another amazing lady, um, heard, heard my goal setting. And then every year I was like, okay, do you want to do goal setting next year? And she said, Oh my God, Natasha, I can't. I went, okay, that's fine. She said, no, I really can't. I have sold my house, my husband and I, and our three kids have bought a boat and we are sailing around the world. And I don't know if I'm going to have internet. So I'm not doing a goal setting next year.
And I was just flabbergasted. I just went that is insane. That is the most amazing thing I've ever heard. And she went, yeah, why not it? Like, why, why wait, why stop? We can do this. We can homeschool. Who needs a house? We'll have a boat. And they made it work. And they made a way. And she inspires me all the time. I had an amazing lady. She was in a marriage that wasn't serving her, where she couldn't be all of her. And she had just shut herself down and she wasn't stepping into her power. And for anyone that was there, you guys remember that I was throwing chairs. We did an amazing, um, intervention. And you know, and that was, that was the day. And I didn't know what was going to happen. And then she, she calls it like comes over three years after I had last seen her.
So just so you know, I left him. I'm now married to another amazing man. We used to live in this. Like I lived in the city of my previous life. Now I live in the country. We have a cow, we milk it. And I'm like, you kidding? Are you kidding? So, um, there is amazing human beings, um, that do amazing things when they realize the power that anyone that has the dream, they're not special. You know, just because I have a horse place in horses, I'm not special. I'm not unique. I'm not magical. I just dared too.
And my dreams don't work out when I think they will either. I'm the first person that said I was going to the Olympics in the year 2000. It was 1998. I was in prelim and I went, I was going to learn some skipping and some training on the spot. I'll be fine. I'll do that in like 12 months and have a year to spare. But has the goal changed? No, just the timeline. So dream setting is when you get clear on the life you want to live and the dreams you want to achieve, then you need to turn that dream into a goal. That's he put a time frame around it. That's when you start thinking about, okay, uh, when, when is it possible to achieve this goal? And then you start working into, um, so then I go, everyone talks about goal setting, but I'm more into dream setting and then plan setting.
What's the plan? How are we going to get from here to here? And the best and quickest way to go from here to here is to get a mentor. That's done it before they know the way. If you were to Trek up Mount Everest, do you just start climbing? No. You get maps. You talk to people that have been up there before you get the Sherpas that understand the weather conditions and what Everest does, and you get all that information to assist you to do your journey. And that to me is what plan setting is all about. And that's what's happening right now. Everyone's timeline got blown up. I saw this beautiful thing on Facebook, this meme that was like, well, I'm glad I bought the 2020 year planner. What a waste of money. And yes, I have a year plan out. I've just gotten my little squidgy board.
It's a whiteboard and wiped it all out and gone. Okay. But that doesn't mean that 2020 will be a waste. 2020 is probably going to be one of my most fun years. It's just going to be a different fun year. It's going to be the year that my kids and I just played the most monopoly that we've ever played in our existence. It's going to be when I just sat around and watch my kids coloring. It's going to be when, um, I just got to spend so much time with my kids, my family, my loved ones, like, okay, you're not seeing your loved ones, but I'm talking to them on the phone. And I never normally talk to them on the phone. I I'm a friend. And I shout out to Tom, Tom and I are really into musicals. And Andrew Lloyd Webber is live streaming.
One of his musicals for 48 hours every weekend. And Tom and I, Tom lives 30 hours away from me. I haven't spoken to Tom on the phone for like six months. But, um, I shared that I was watching it. He's gone on me too. So I said, okay, we're going to watch it together. So we're on the phone and we're like three, two, one boom. And we spent two and a half hours texting each other every three minutes, our whole philosophy on what was going on. Cause it was Phantom of the opera. And we were talking about the daddy issues. And we were talking about, um, just, we were having so much fun and it was the best two and a half hours. And I'm sending him videos of me singing and he's sending me videos of him singing. And then we're like, Oh my God, we have to do a duet.
And I'm like, yeah, we can do it on horses. Cause he rides too. And it was just, it's an experience I never, ever, ever, ever would have had if this whole life thing hadn't happened. Cause I wouldn't even be at home. I wouldn't have an Andrew Lloyd Webber. Wouldn't have live-streamed his musical, all these things wouldn't have happened. So there's so much that you can now put into 2020 and set goals around and set plans around and set dreams around. So most people I'm hoping that spending more time with their families makes them understand that this needs to be an important part of their 2021, 2022, 2023. And so on future planning, that family is the most important thing. And to set goals around what you want to do as a family. And what you, what you want to experience is, is huge. I just was listening to someone amazing a couple of days ago and he said, you need to have a yes day with the kids.
And I was like, what's a yes day. And he's like, it's a day when everything's yes, except for technology. Like it's not, can I just watch TV all day? Yes. But with the exception of technology, everything is yes. Can I eat four bowls of ice cream for breakfast? Yes. Can I, um, go to Disneyland? Yes. That might mean we need to plan it. That might mean we need to save for it. That might mean it's a 10 year goal, but it's yes. Can we, um, run outside naked and um, make a fire? Yes. And you tell me, this is what really hit home. You tell me one person that had their parents give them yes day.
I certainly don't remember it,
but my kids will remember the day mommy and daddy said today's a yes day. And for them, it'll probably be as simple as will you jump on the trampoline for eight hours? Yes. Will,we slept on the trampoline? Yes. And it's a yes day. So I think it's super, super, super important, um, to do all of that. Cause I also find people that they're good with the dreams they're even good with the plans. They know what they want, they know what they have to do to get there,
but then they don't do it hands up. Who's that?
And that's a huge one. Yeah. So, um, the reason why people don't have the lives that they want, there's a whole camp and there's a whole group of people because they don't dare to dream that they could. Then they've got the people that are the big dreamers. We all know one of them just, you know, they're always, what are you working on? Oh, I'm writing a book. Oh, now I'm doing this. Now I'm doing this. Now I've started motorcycle ride. Um, uh, riding. Now I'm doing this, but do they ever finish? Do they ever actually become a motorcycle rider? did I actually ever write like finish the book? No, they don't. Then you've got the people that, um, uh, and that's probably because they don't have a plan. So you've got the people that are good with the plan, the dream, but that they don't know how to get there and they're not willing to find out they're not willing to invest the money.
The time, the effort it's going to take to figure out how to achieve my dream. Whereas I don't care. I don't care how hard it is. I don't care how much money, time, energy I have to expend to get it. If I want it, I need it. And I'm going after it. And then we've got the people that are that as well. Like they really want it. And they really know, they know that they've invested everything they need to do, but they're not sinking the black. So we call, you know, not sinking the black or not, not, not doing the eight ball, which is all snooker terms, but they've done all the work. They've put all the balls in. All they gotta do now is put sync the eight ball and they step away from the pool table. So they're not taking that final action.
And that's a whole other story of that whole self sabotage and that whole non-belief and that whole worthiness piece that we can have a chat about another at another day, if you want to, how do you put a realistic timeline on a dream? You don't, I'm going to the Olympics in the year, 2000, not realistic. Um, you just move that timeline. You, you, you do your best with what, you know, at the time I, all I thought I needed to do was learn how to skip and trot on the spot. I didn't think it was going to take that long. I remember speaking to another friend from high school, James and James was a swimmer and I said, James, we're going to the Olympics together. We're doing this in 2000. And he said, Oh, I think I need to get, like, I think it was four seconds.
I'm sorry, James. If I've got this wrong two seconds or four seconds off his time and I'm like, dude, one, two done. Like you shouldn't, you should, again, I thought he would be at the Olympics by 1999. Like how hard is it to shave four seconds off your swimming time or two seconds, whatever it is, turns out it's extremely, extremely, extremely hard. And he said the same thing to me, what? You're just going to trot on the spot and do some skipping. Oh my God. I could do that now. And it was his complete non understanding like, look how much I didn't understand about swimming. I thought he should be able to shave four seconds off his time in the next week. And he thought I should be able to trot and skip tomorrow. Um, and neither of us actually knew what we were doing, but that's okay.
So you do the best you can with what you know at the time. And when you know more and know better, you change it. Uh, but also you gotta be clear like how many people will tell you that you can't go to the Olympics and that you can't, you know that your horse isn't good enough. You're not good enough. You don't have the means. You don't have the finances. You don't have the ability. You don't have the skills, whatever it is. So I don't like reality. I've told you before when our very first like very previous live session, we talked about what is reality. We can experience reality, 2 million bits of realities coming at you. Every second, you can't experience reality. You experience your version of it. So in my version of it, I have the means. I have the skills, I have the horse, I have the ability and I just blindly operate as if that were true.
And until it is present or plain, that it isn't true. And then I adjust and change and keep going. But anytime I'm told no, like, no, that won't happen. Can't happen because of you or because you don't have this or because you don't have that, I either go, well, how do I get that? Or do I reject that and go, I don't even need that. And you have to think about it. Like if I go, I'm going to the Olympics. Oh yeah. W w w what's your horse. I don't have a horse, but I'm going to the Olympics for riding horses, you know, there's some laws of gravity, there's gravity, there's schools of thermo dynamics. There's laws of nature that you absolutely have to abide by. And then there's the reality that someone else thinks now whether or not you have to take that on is true.
Ah, fun and games, fun and games. Cool. Cool, cool. And obviously, if you had a goal to do your first dressage test, um, at X venue, um, on the 2nd of April, You can't achieve that goal, that venues closed and that's not happening, but can you do an online competition? Can you reschedule your, your debut in the physical realm for 2021? Absolutely. So that's where the timeline, you know, the timeline is irrelevant. It's your commitment to the goal. That's gonna determine whether or not you achieve it and not being disillusioned with the time it takes. I told you I wanted an indoor and I dreamt of an indoor, and I thought I'd have an indoor at age nine. And I'm pretty sure it happened at 36, 35 or 36 for a long time. It's a long time to keep going. I'm going to have that and everyone going, you keep saying that.
but it doesn't happen. And I go, yeah, just gotta be patient.