Podcast Episode 5: Overcoming Fear - Submodalities and Other NLP Techniques (Live Coaching Session with Sheila Part 1)
Today Natasha shares with you a coaching session she had with one of her members, Sheila. She uses some interesting submodalities to allow Sheila to overcome her fear, change the way she thinks and feels about riding, and we can't wait to hear all about the results!
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Sheila, how are you doing?
Oh, I'm doing okay. How are you?
I am very well, thank you. Very good.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
It's exciting isn't it
Yes I'm really excited.
I love it. I love it. Okay. So, um, what are you here for today? How can I like, why get, why are you here?
Well, I'm here because I am a completely, um, scared. Um, I have to make a long story short. Mmm. I started taking riding lessons a long, long time ago. Maybe 20 more years ago. I took a few lessons. The horse took off on me in the arena. I could not stop the horse. I fell off and broke a rib and then I got back on after a while. I took some more lessons, but I always have this picture in my head of the horse taking off on me and I cannot get rid of that. So I, I took a few more lessons for a while and then I stopped. And then it was about probably 10, 15 years went by until I got on a horse again. Yeah. Scared to death. So I had to build up my, my, my bravery a little bit. And then about six years ago, I got my own horse and she's very sweet. Everybody loves her, you know, sweet, mellow horse. Um, so I was starting to get a little bit braver, riding around a little bit. And then what was about three years ago, she kind of took off and I, I mean, I probably could have stopped her, but I was so panicked that I didn't do anything. I just had my hands up in the air and I'm saying to myself, why is she doing this to me? Why is she doing this to me? But I didn't do anything about it because I was just too freaked out, fell off again. I didn't hurt my, I mean, I was hurt, but not bad, nothing broken. And, um, so that was like three years ago. She hasn't done anything like that since. But, um, lately I'm more scared than I ever before and I don't know why. I mean, nothing's happened. I'm just more scared than ever. Every time I get on the horse, I expect the catastrophe.
Okay. Firstly, thank you so much for sharing and thank you so much for, um, uh, telling us what's going on. I can imagine that must feel, to logically know she hasn't done anything. She hasn't done anything for three years. You're like - I could have done something about it, but I just didn't. And to feel that every single day can we acknowledge you and want to send out a million hugs to you?
Thank you. You know, because I, I, it's, it's always, it's always there and I'm always, it's always been my dream to have a horse. I never thought I'd have a horse, you know, and um, it's always been my dream to get on and ride into the sunset. Yeah.
So, what, what, what dream horse you riding off to the sunset? Is it the horse you have now?
She's, she's really sweet. She's part halflinger. She's a halflinger paint cross and she's really sweet. Everybody loves her. But, um, I don't know. I cannot, Mmm. I can't canter on her. I cantered on other horses before years ago or actually recently out on the horses, but I just can't on her. She just won't, she doesn't want to canter. Other people have tried to canter on her and they can't. One or two people can, but I think she's maybe a little lazy or she just, maybe she just feels it from me that I'm scared.
I'm sure. I was going to say, but I'm sure she's listening to what you're really telling it. Yeah. Yeah. Well if we fix this today. Is it cool if we remove this for you today, if you remove it.?
If you remove this fear and remove this feeling of what's going to happen and I don't know what's going to happen and I don't know if I can handle what's going to happen. Would it be alright if we removed that for you tonight and just left on love join it. Oh yeah. Do I have your permission to do that? Yes. Alright. Sounds good. Alright, so, um, we've got this dream. To own a horse. Okay. And you've, you've now tick, you've got that dream, but you want to ride off into the sunset with fun, love, join and excitement in your heart. That's the piece that's missing. Is that correct?
Yeah. And I really acknowledge you. I think you were fricking champion too. How old are you? Oh, you don't need to share a, you just give me a decade. Okay.
I'm sorry. What?
Sorry, I talk so quick. Um, just give me a decade of what, what, what year you're in. Are you in your forties? Your thirties? Oh, I'm in my sixties. I love it. So whenyou're this gorgeous woman, you're in your sixties and you're like, God damn it, I'm going to have this dream. So I really acknowledge you for it and I can see how successful I'm going to have so much fun working with you because I can already tell you're committed, you're tenacious, you're going after this and you're just a little part of you standing in your way. So that's where I say the frustration and the pain. Yeah. If it's cool with you, we'll, we'll get rid of that today.
Great. Great. Great. So, um, let's talk more about, you said 20 years ago, that's when the incident happened. And ever since then you've got this picture in your mind of this horse taking off on you. Yeah. Tell me about it - is it a picture or is it a movie? Does it move or is it just a still shot? Tell me all about it. I'm so curious.
Oh boy, that's hard. Um, alright. Wow, that's a good question. Mmm.
You tell me how you do it.
I think. Okay. Um, I think it's more of a, well, it's a picture. Yeah, it's a picture. I mean, I can see it.
So is it a frame like a screen or is it panoramic? Is it the whole, everything you see is the picture or is it like a little picture frame and you see a photo in it?
Oh wow. Oh my God, that's such a, wow. I don't know.
I'm sure you're used to looking at it you tell me!
Yeah - I think it's panoramic.
Is it color or black and white?
Are you in the picture?
Okay. Am I in the picture? Wow. I think so. I think so.
Maybe it's not you.
I don't know. You tell me, you go right now and you tell me.
Okay. Yeah. It's me.
And are you looking at yourself in the picture or are you seeing the reins and the neck in front of you? Are you inside the picture or are you observing the picture?
Wow. Oh my God, this is too hard. Wow. I think, I think I in there. I think I'm in the picture.
Okay. So you said you've been living with this picture for 20 years. It's sounds a bit fuzzy, it sounds like it's not that clear.
Yeah. Maybe it's more like a feeling.
Okay. Tell me about the feeling.
The feeling is... Gosh, the feeling is like, it's just a, it's a panic. It's like, it's just like a dread, it's kind of like a dread panic. Mmm.
Back to this feeling of panic and dread. What kind of shape is it? Is it Misty? Is it solid? Is it heavy? Is it what? What kind of shape and consistency does it have?
Oh my God. A feeling.
You're the one who is in touch with that feeling...get that feeling and go is it big or is it little?
Where is it?
Where is it? Okay. I think, well, I think it's in my head. Okay. It might be kind of in my stomach too, but for some reason it feels like it's more in my head.
Yeah. And is it heavy or light and does it feel solid like a piece of wood or a piece of metal, or is it more wispy?
Wow. Mmm. What if I, what if I don't know?
If you don't know, well firstly I go, well, it can't be that strong. If you're really not sure if it even has a shape or it even is heavy, then maybe you don't even have that feeling when you ride,
But it's, it is, you know it's there. Yes. It's a feeling.
So it's heavy. Like is it five kilos? If I got rid of it, would you less?
Oh, I think so. Oh yeah. Yeah. I think it's like a heavy cloak.
Yeah. That's what it is. It's like a lead cloak.
Good. Yes. What color is it? What color is a lead heavy cloak. Can you just tell me what color does it feel like it is?
Blue green, maybe.
Really great. And a light blue green or... Um, a really, really dark blue green.
Okay, great. You're doing such a great job. Okay. And how much did we say the weight is? How many kilos?
Oh, okay. I don't know kilos cause I'm in America.
Oh so in pounds.
Maybe about 25.
Wow. Good on you. Your muscle woman carrying that around.
Yeah, I don't like it.
So this feeling - I completely understand. All right, so this feeling of this dark cloak somewhere in your head and then sometimes... it's a cloak so it's pretty much all over. You would feel that when it's gone, wouldn't you?
All right. Are you cool to do an exercise with me?
Okay. Yep. Okay.
So just going to require you to close your eyes. Okay. And have a nice relax. Take a deep breath. And what I want you to do is visualize your timeline. So I'm going to get you to notice that you are in the present moment of now and I just want you to, this is listening to your gut. There's no right or wrong answer. I just want you to point to where your future is.
Yes just point.
Where's your future?
Okay? Yep. And I just want you to now go ahead and look behind you or not behind you anywhere you need to, whereas your past?
My past. Yes. Oh, but keep my eyes closed.
Yep. I just want you to point to your past.
And do you see does your timeline run through you or um, outside of you? So if your past is behind you and your future is in front of you to the right, um, where is now, where is the present moment? Is it inside you or is it to the side of you?
It's inside me.
Right? Yep. So your timeline runs through you. That's great. Are you always, if your timeline runs through you, I would say that you were always, um, uh, on time for your appointments. Would that be true?
Uh, not always.
Alright, well, you at least you're ready for this one. If your timeline runs through you, you're on time. When it runs outside of you, you have no awareness of time. So you tend to be late! So now what I want you to do is float up above your timeline.
Is do what? I'm sorry.
What I want you to do is right now you're inside your body. What I want you to do is float up above your timeline. Come out of your body and float up way up high above your timeline. Okay? Okay. And what I want you to do is slow back to your past, all the way back to that moment in time. 20 years ago when you broke a rib and you had that horse take off on me. Okay. And tell me when you're there.
Okay. I'm there.
Okay. What I want you to do those float down inside that moment. Okay. And tell me what you feel.
Oh wow. Okay. I can, I have, I'm having a hard time breathing.
Yeah, yeah, that's okay.
Okay. Yeah. So you remember I fell on the floor, I fell, I was on the ground and I couldn't, I could hardly breathe. And the ambulance came.
And you're feeling that right now.
Okay. So what I want you to do is float back up way up high. I notice as you float higher and higher, that feeling of not being able to breathe is getting less and less than less, and you just tell me float off as high as you need to until all the feelings have disappeared again.
Okay. Yeah, and you say you feel like nothing.
Yeah I'm okay
What I want you to notice is way up high way up there as a place where only love, wisdom and understanding resides. It's a place where you are safe, where you can only feel loved and these deep, deep understanding and genius of the universe resides there. What I want you to do, please ask this wisdom and understanding what are the lessons that I need to learn to resolve this now and to move forward in my future without this holding me back. What do you need?
You want me to do that?
I want you to ask and then I want you to tell me what the answer is about.
Wow. Should I ask out loud or to myself or?
Do whatever feels right and natural to you. There is no right or wrong in any of this yet. Okay.
Yeah. Gosh, I don't know. Mmm.
What is the lesson that you need to learn here? What did you make this event mean? Yeah. What? What did it mean? What did he make his event mean? Wait, sorry. Just stay in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. Great. That you've lived over 60 years on the planet. Do you remember every single day of your 60 years?
Do you remember this day?
So there's a reason you remember this day you made this event mean something. What did you make it mean?
That that there's fear. Life is, is fearful. Okay. There's fear and you know, I need to be afraid. Yeah. I really can't just do what I want to do because I'm always afraid and I, I just, I don't have confidence in myself and I can't just go out there and do what other people do because I'm always afraid. Okay. Yeah.
Did you know that you made it mean all of that?
No, I didn't know, but that's how I feel now.
Absolutely. Okay. And I'm sure. Did you notice other things changing for you to say, I can't do what others can do. I can't just do what I want to do. Did your life change after that moment? Just not just in your riding, but in a lot of other things as well?
I don't really remember. So I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it did. I don't, I don't know. I can't put my finger right.
Okay. Is this reality? Can you do what others can do? Can you just do what you want to do?
I probably can, but I don't feel like I can, yeah.
Float up higher. There's no feeling here. Just wisdom and understanding. You made it mean that you can't just do what you want to do, that you have no confidence. I can't do what others can do. I need to be afraid. Life is fearful. There's a lesson here. None of those things are actually true.
So, so yeah, it's just, it's what I've learned.
Right. Did you learn all these events? Go with your gut. Don't try and think of a logical answer. I just want you to connect with your truest self. Did you learn this before this event on the horse?
Yes. Yes, yes.
Float up. Go back in your past, go float down even more into your timeline and take me to the root cause of when you learnt this lesson. Go back all the way in the past. It might even be in a past life. It might even be in utero. It doesn't matter where it is. Just take me all the way back to the first moment where you learnt these, this, this thing of I can't do what others can do. I can't do what I want. Life is to be fearful. I need to be afraid. Take me back to the first moment.
I don't. I don't have, I don't know. I can't think of a moment.
Jjust relax. Just trust yourself until in your mind to take you back. That first time that you learned this lesson, you don't need to remember it. You don't need to know what it's about. It's going to be very far back in your timeline when you were a child or even before as a baby in utero in a past life. There's no right or wrong answer. Just tell me the answer that pops up for you. How old were you when you first learned this idea?
Okay. I want to say 2, right?
Good job. Well done, Sheila. That's great. Okay. Okay, and can you see anything about the event or do you just, yes, there's nothing. It's all dark. You just know you were too. Just what I what I'm picturing, I'm just picturing that I'm trying to learn how to walk and I fall down. My mother has a fit. Yeah. I fell down. Oh my God. I fell down. That's, that's how I picture it because that's how my, okay. That's how my mother was doing. Great. You're doing great, Sheila. Okay. What I want you to do is float app and how did that event, okay. Florida, way up Hyde, where love, wisdom and understanding resides. I want you to, I think, what is the lesson to be learned here? And it's not the lesson you've learned. You learned life is to be fearful.
I need to be afraid. I can't do what others can do. I can't do what I want to do. That's what you learned, but you were 2. That's the decision you made and what you thought the world, how the world worked when you were two and you didn't have any other information. Now you are a beautiful, strong, committed, tenacious woman in her sixties that has so much more knowledge and so much more understanding of how the world works. And you tell me, what are the, what would you have liked to have learned there instead of what made, what you did take on for the rest of your life? What did you want to learn instead?
Oh, I would like to have learned that, I can do anything, you know, that I'm strong, I'm strong. I, you know, I can, I can do what I, what I put my mind to, you know, that I have, I have abilities. I have confidence. I can do it. I can do, you know, whenever I want to do I, you know, I can do it.
I want you to really, I feel those feelings of I have confidence, I can do anything. I'm strong. I can do what I put my mind to. I have ability, I can do it. I want you to feel those feelings through your whole body.
Yeah. I mean, and, and I'm, and I'm smart, you know, I want it to feel like I'm, I'm smart. I am smart. You know, I am intelligent. I'm, I have wisdom. I have confidence. I can do what I put my mind to doing, you know, I can, you know, everything's still okay. You know, you can tell I can do it, you know?
So all these feelings of I'm smart, I have wisdom. Everything is okay. I can do anything I put my mind to. I'm strong, I have confidence, I can do it. All of those feelings, if they were to have a color, what color would they be?
Yellow. I love it. And if I were to have a shape, what kind of shape?
Circle. And where in your body do you feel the circle? Is it surrounding you? Is it in your body? Is it outside of you surrounding you?
Mmm, probably it's surrounding me.
I love it. Good. Good job. Okay. So what I want you to do is really take all these feelings of I have confidence. I can do anything. I'm strong. I can do what I put my mind to. I have abilities, I can do it. I'm smart. I have wisdom. Everything is okay. And I want you to see yourself bathed in this yellow circle of light and this yellow that's got you and protecting you and making sure that you always remember this lesson because this is the lesson that you were meant to have learned. And this is what you to take forward to your compelling future. Notice that this yellow circle protects you and nothing can harm it and nothing can change it because it's always been there. And it always will be there from now on because now you know how to find it and how to tap into it again.
So in this yellow circle, I want you to go back down, um, into that event when you were learning how to walk, as a two year old. And I want you to tell me what do you feel now?
Yeah, I am walking. I am feeling good about myself.
I love it. Really good job Sheila. Okay. Now what I meant to do is float back up and I want you to start floating along, um, from that past moment all the way until we get to the event. Mmm. Where 20 years ago when you had that horse incident. But what I want you to do is only float as quickly as you can while replacing every single one of your memories with this new yellow circle of light, with this new understanding of I have confidence, I can do anything. I can do what I put my mind to. I'm strong, I have abilities, I can do it. I'm smart, I have wisdom. Everything is okay. Just wash over those memories with this yellow circle of light all the way until you get this 20 year, year ago event of this horse incident. And tell me when you're there.
What I want you to do is go into that event with your yellow circle of light and tell me what you feel.
Okay. Wow. I feel kind of insulated.
Right? Can you breathe?
Yeah. Good job. Okay. Yeah. Enjoy that memory. Now with your yellow cycle of lot, being able to breathe this beautiful feeling and I want you to come back along your timeline all the way back to this moment of present of now only as quickly as you can, replacing all your learnings alongside this yellow circle of light of I have confidence, I can do anything. I'm strong. I can do what I put my mind to. I have abilities. I can do it. I'm smart. I have wisdom. Everything is okay. All the way back to now. Only as quickly as you can do that and when you are back in the room, you can open your eyes.
Hi. That was fantastic. Did you know that we discovered that they go horse incident was never about your horse riding fear has nothing to do with any of that... Started when you were two
Wow. Yeah, I had, I mean I kind of had a feeling about that.
Okay, really good. Okay. Um, when are you going to ride next? Tomorrow, in a week? When are we riding next?
Well, I probably, I want to go tomorrow.
Let me do, I got to do this last bit. A little bit. So tomorrow you're going to go riding and I just want you to project out now into your future. You're going to go riding. Tell me how you're going to feel.
Oh, I am going to feel like I've got this. I'm going to get on my horse and I'm just going to feel like, I've got this.
I love it! Two months from now. What's your riding like now? And two months from now with this yellow circle of light and I freaking got this and I'm smart and I can do this and I'm confident. What's your riding look like? writing?
Two months from now I'm going to go, because right now I, I can't, I don't, I can't go out by myself. On the trail two months from now I'm going to do it. I'm going to go out there.
Yup. I love your future. 12 months from now, what's your riding looking like?
12 months from now, woo. 12 months from now. Oh boy. I'm well, I'm just going to be going out there. I'm going to be getting on my horse like, like you know, just like no problem.
Living your dream I think.
Oh, comfortable. Just, yeah, just comfortable and relaxed and you know, just get on my horse and go and not be worried
I love it. All right. I want you to enjoy the rest of today. You are going to be buzzing. You are going to think all the colors have been turned up in the world. Everything's going to be different but in a really awesome way. Because everything is now through your yellow filter. I have confidence. I can do anything. I'm strong. I can do what I put my to. I have abilities, I can do it. I'm smart. I have wisdom and everything is okay. You are going to love the rest of your day. Enjoy it, enjoy that feeling and enjoy your ride tomorrow. Oh my God, the horse will be different. You will be different. Everything will be so extraordinary. And I'll check in with you in a couple of days and I'd love to hear how your ride went. Okay, great. Thank you. So my absolute pleasure. Is there anything else you need from me to make this more complete for you now?
I don't know. I can't, I can't think of anything, but, um, I guess I'll, I just keep going on the program!
As you go through the program, you'll, you'll notice the things that I kind of have used with you today and yeah, like it'll just even more stuff will, yeah. We are able to use these tools that you're learning in the program to even more, have some fun. But the core thing, which was this two year old thing done, so this whole yellow filter and this whole yellow circle protecting you is yours to keep forever.
Okay. Oh, thank you so much. I've been wanting this so badly.
Well, it is my absolute pleasure that you were extraordinary to work with and thank you so much. Thank you.