Podcast Episode 12: Why Don't We Have Success In Our Horse Riding? - Positive Mindset Strategies
Are you constantly wondering why you don't have success? Why aren't you making progress with your riding? Today Natasha talks about the importance of having a positive mind set and the importance is has on your riding progression.
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I just wanted to have a chat about what I've been thinking about and pondering and exploring and having conversations about my poor husband every night. Um, I'm like, sorry, let's talk about this. And what I think really, really going deep on is why, why don't we do what we normally know we need to do to get results?
So the first question I was pondering is why don't we have success? And, uh, then I went, no, that's, that's, that's a pretty poor quality question. Why don't we have success? Because, um, uh, you know, there's so many factors of why we, we wouldn't have success, but from the most part that got me thinking, do most people not know how to have success? And I went, no, it's it's, we've got the internet nowadays. Most people know, like if I Google, um, you know, how do I have, uh, uh, outstanding health?
Most people know we need to eat less processed food. We need to, we need to move our bodies. We need to drink water and we need to exercise and we need to fill our body with unprocessed food. I think it doesn't matter if you think the carnivore diet or the vegan diet, both those diets have in common, no donuts, but there's just all diets have one thing in common. There's no donuts in there. Um, so I, you know, when I think about nutrition principles and I know people get really, really hot it up and heated up about Oh, vegans or carnivores, you know, when they eat completely different, but they have lots in common and something in common is no donuts, but I go, that's not really. So let's take health. For example, if people aren't achieving the health that they want to achieve, why aren't they achieving the health that they achieve?
And it comes from not knowing it comes from sorry, too many negatives. It comes from not knowing that they shouldn't eat donuts. They know they shouldn't eat donuts, but they still eat donuts. So then I went down this rabbit hole of why do we do what we know we shouldn't do? Why does the smoker smoke? Why does the person that wants great health eat the donuts? Why does someone who wants financial abundance put crap on their credit card and get into debt? Why do we, as humans do things that we know we shouldn't, but we feel that we, we can't stop or we feel that we have to, or we feel that we just can't make a different choice. We know other people can make choices, but we don't feel that we can make that choice.
So I went down this rabbit hole of why, why, why do people do that? And I landed for this week, at least on this motion motion, what's it called? Cate notion. Thank you. This notion, not this motion, this notion that how we think determines what we do, which I've always subscribed to. Anyway, I thinking determines are our emotions, uh, on our actions. Like I know our thinking determines our actions, Debra cause we are human LOL. Yes. So our thinking determines our actions and our actions determine whether or not we're going to have success in any one area. And what I find really challenging around humans is they are so there's so much pain because some someone will be, let's say, I desperately want to get out of debt. I desperately want to be financially free. And then they go buy another thing on their credit card. Or I desperately want to be thin, or I desperately want to have the health and vitality of my dreams, but I need to join that today.
And there's a lot of layers to, you know, there's a lot of things, you know, lots of people do that and go, and I'll start tomorrow. Who's done that. I know what I should do. I definitely want the result. I know what I have to do to get the result and I'll do it tomorrow. Humans are hilarious because we're so cute. We think that tomorrow we'll be better versions of ourselves magically that we'll just wake up and be magically, this amazing human being that makes all the right choices. And I think that's hilarious because nothing can start tomorrow. Everything has to start. Now, if you've decided you want financial freedom or abundant health or whatever it is that you've decided you want, you need to, um, uh, take the action. You have to decide and, and, and, and create thinking. Now you gotta stop lying to yourself. That's the first thing you gotta stop lying to yourself saying, Oh, well, I'll be better tomorrow. I'll do that tomorrow. That doesn't happen.
So if that's what you need to do, and you need to change the thinking today, how do you learn? And how do you understand what thinking you should have? And I talk a lot about different beliefs and fears and values and, um, uh, masculine, feminine energy. And there's all these different filters. When I talk about the NLP communication model, that determine what we then think about, which then determined what we feel and determines what we do. So if anything, if I ever want to change an action, I have to change the thinking. And if I have to change the thinking, I have to change one of the filters as in the values or the beliefs or something like that. But sometimes word is wired a certain way. Uh, you know, you don't like I, as a coach, don't like playing with people's values too much, their values or their values.
Who am I to say that that's a wrong value or a right value? Let's say someone comes, um, who has a value for freedom, but they, and they're coming for relationship coaching because this value for freedom is really impacting their commitment in their relationships. Can you see how that could be a huge disconnect? Their Like I desperately want, um, freedom and I desperately want to commit and have a lasting relationship. But when I commit, I feel that I've lost my, my value of freedom. And so the, the exaggerated or the overenthusiastic coach can be, Oh, we'll just change the value for freedom, but hang on. That's, that's that's them. And when you change that, what is it? What is the good things that are in their life because of their value from freedom? I know I'm going off on a tangent, but I just wanted to have this full fist thought philosophical.
My brain is not working with my words today. Philosophical conversation around what are you not getting results in your, in your writing or in your life right now. And it's not because you don't know what to do, and it's not because you, and you might think it is. There's a level of thinking that goes, I don't know. I'm confused. I can't get that. I don't get it. It's all too hard. It doesn't make sense. And you think that's the reality, but that's your thinking, which is huge. And I I've just been there recently. I was like, I don't know. Oh, it's so confusing. I don't get it. I don't know. I don't know. It's all too much. And I thought that was the problem. Gorgeous. As much as I know nothing external is the problem. It's always internal. I was definitely saying no, no, no, it's not me.
It's out there. But when you take that responsibility back again, you go, I don't know. Well, what if you did, it's all too confusing. Well, what if it wasn't and you commit to working your way through your levels of thinking to get to where you need to be, to do the actions. That's where the gold is. So just enjoying having that pondering people go well, if I was just more confident on Fridays, believed in myself more, I'll do it. Yeah. And the tricky thing is, is if you did it, you would have more confidence in, you would believe in yourself, more love how it all works. Um, but if you feel that you're a human on the planet that doesn't believe in themselves, you've got to take the journey to play and to learn. How can I believe in myself more? How can I love myself more?
How can I rock on with myself more? How can I, how can I accept me for all my deliciousness and all my dark, not shameful, things that I want to hide from the world, deliciousness and all the fun and the beauty and the deliciousness of the deliciousness. But all of it is delicious. All of it is you. And we grow up hiding parts of ourselves and shaming parts of ourselves and thinking bits of ourselves and not okay. And then we wonder why we're not happy and why we're not rocking on and why we're not living the life that we to live. So it's it's, I don't get it. I don't get it. Why society, like people will say to me, Oh, your kids are at school, has their reading going? I'm like, I don't care. Of course I care how their readings going and it's going fine. Thank you.
But I'm never, ever going to judge my children based on, have they look like, have they, yes. They have to learn how to read and write and do maths. Yes, I do believe that's important, but I also believe it's important. They learn how to know themselves, that they know how to trust themselves, that they know how to believe in themselves, that they know how they work. They know how they are motivated. They know how, um, what excites them. They know what their passions are. They know how to learn, um, all these kinds of things. I prioritize hugely.
Um, like I was having this conversation with Phil going, how many books have you read this week on how to love yourself? He's like, you're weird. I'm like, no one reads these books. No one thinks it's important, but it's everything. Because when you can accept you for you, that's huge. And God, I'm going deep. You guys thought we were in for, you know, a, a live Q and a on how to get my horse to do shoulder in, but maybe you can't get your horse to shoulder in because you're so wrapped up in looking a certain way and making it look a certain way and not looking like you, haven't got it together and not looking like you're learning and not looking like you don't understand that you're hiding and protecting and doing all this exhausting stuff, which is actually stopping you from just getting the learning going on and learning how to do a shoulder in. And I don't know, like I have no idea. I'm just pondering. Everything that is going on in our lives is, uh, is, is, is because of how we're thinking about what's going on in our lives and these unconscious things, these things we've been doing for our entire lives, that we're not questioning that we're not thinking about that.
We're not wondering about, I had a session with my coach yesterday and I was like, Oh, I made a crisis. And he's so cute. He was like, Oh, what flavor is your crisis? I said, chocolate chip. He said, good. I'm good flavored. Have I said, well, if you are to have a crisis, I think it should be chocolate chip. Um, and then we got into my crisis and solved it. Thank God. So I'm not in crisis anymore. But my crisis was because of the questions I was asking, I was going when I'm 90, I don't know if I'm going to be happy with this choice. That was my crisis. And he sent Natasha, thank God we're having this crisis now, before you've even made the decision, rather than get to 90, look back and go, what the hell was I thinking? What the hell did I spend my forties doing?
That was crazy. So I am very, very clear, like the questions I ask and that the thinking that I'm trying to do is, is very, you know, hopefully, and I'm so not there guys. I'm so, so unaware. And so not capable of thinking of so much more, that would actually be useful if I could think about it and actually be as full if I could conceive it. But I can't. I'm where I'm at, is where I'm at. Um, and that's why I hit speed bumps because I'm, I'm constantly think trying to upgrade the thinking to hopefully get a different result or a better result. What, I don't know like it, when people go, okay, I don't want that. It's really hard to wrap your head around. So what do I want instead? And that's where you need to start. So where do I need? Where do I start to be confident in myself and riding?
I want you to really start thinking about and exploring what, what does confidence look like for me, if I wasn't unconfident, what is, what is not that you know, and really start exploring that. And if I woke up another question I really love to ask is if I woke up with amnesia, so I had no idea who I was prior to this moment, boom, you just wake up in the hospital and you're you, but you have no past, you have no past experiences that taught you things that made you think about certain things that made you think about yourself. So you don't know if you'd like donuts or not. You don't know if you're confident or unconfident. You don't know anything. If that was you, you're fresh, your brand slate. When a baby comes into the world, they are just love. They are just loved by him. They have no, no programming. They have no conditioning. They are just love. So if you are just love, how would you operate in the world and how would you be and how it, how would you play?
Aye, don't focus so much on, I want to teach you something because I don't know if you want to learn, I'm focused on how can I add value? How can I help? So it's not so much about training. I'm here to help and based on the experiences and the riding and that just the experiences that I've had in my existence. I want to help people with the things that I struggled with, that I don't struggle with anymore. So I got bucked off and broke a bone in my back, really scared to get back on my horse. I don't feel scared to ride anymore, but I know what that feels like. I don't want anyone to feel scared to ride. I think that's an awful, awful way to go through life. And I don't want that for anyone. So I fight really hard to teach people.
There's the teach word, um, uh, how to do that for themselves. So I'm just focused on, on helping. Um, people overcome certain things and I help them by teaching them, but I'm not focused on teaching them. I'm focused on help. I'm, I'm obsessed with helping 'em. I, I stayed to feel like maybe two weeks ago, I was like, I just, I just feel like I need to do more. I need to help more. I need to have more people. Like I'm just obsessed with having more people smile. I just want more people to enjoy their riding. I just want more people to enjoy themselves. I just want more people to enjoy their lives. And that's something that is just in, I'm just super passionate about that. So it comes out, um, with the imposter syndrome as a trainer it's it's it's, if you're worried, um, that you have something of value to bring, and I'm sure you do, you're saying people are complimenting your methods with your horses and asking for lessons.
You have something of value, but if you don't believe that you're valuable, you're going to sabotage it, or you're going to stand in the way, or you're going to feel like an imposter because you don't think that you're valuable. So I would focus on you. You have value and you have value to share and you are brilliantly awesome and fantastic, and just awesome and own that and love that and know that there's parts of you. That isn't, there's so many parts of me. I make mistakes. I do things wrong. I stuff up, I get it wrong. I make mistakes. I make poor decisions as we all do. So watch it. If anyone's thinking, Oh really? She makes poor decisions. I don't, if anyone's judgmental, Whoa, you are in for a whole lot of pain. Cause the people judge others, guess what they do to themselves.
They judge themselves as well. When you can let go of the judgment of others, because that means you've also let go of the judgment of yourself. Oh, so much more love, so much more happiness, so much more freedom. So I think we've gone on tangent, but yes. Realize your value or realize your value, realize your value that you have value. And if you're worried about others judging you, are you judging others? And how can you let go of all the judgment for yourself and others? So people judging you have nothing to do with you anyway, is just my uh, my thought on that, Okay. okay.
I think we as babies, uh, pure and whole and complete, and as I said, just love and as we grow up, God forbid we learn bullshit. I'm just like we just learned bullshit and we think the bullshit's real. And then we go through our lives. I'm trying to hide the bullshit. That's hilarious. Um, so, uh, I don't want, sure I'm aware of consequences, but I try not to avoid risks. Risk is where I will learn. I might make a mistake. I might fall on my bottom. It might be this really big, bad thing. But if I go in there with the intention of what I want to create and what I want to learn and what I want to have happen, and it doesn't come off, at least I still went in there. Like there's an amazing quote. I can't think of the guy who wrote it. It's, it's the man in the arena. It's an Epic quote, Kim, if you're listening to this, can you please Google the man in the arena, quote and post it. But it's about how the people watching the man in the arena, don't get to, don't get to have any opinion.
It's the man in the arena with the sweat and the blood on his face that gave it a go that we have to all cheer for. And, and, and yeah, I'm always trying to just be in the arena.
My riding is not where it needs to be to make the world championships. And my horses are not where I need my horses to be, to make the world championships. And that is part of what my crisis and my thinking has been, uh, uh, about a lot is about 2024, about 2028, about what it takes to become an Olympian about the discipline and the dedication and the time commitment and the thinking commitment and the commitment that it takes to be the best in the world. And me challenging that and questioning that and pondering about that because I mean, and that's what I spoke to the coach about. I said, I just did my hours again. So what I mean by hours is there's 168 hours in a week every now and then I, you know, go out of what is current in my world. And I just go into magical fantasy land and I go, what would I want to do? If I could do everything that I wanted, I did that. And I got to 256 hours, 256 hours into 168 hours. Don't go. They just don't go. So that means I can't do everything that I want to do. I do not have the time. So I have to make choices and I have to make decisions, which is what the whole conversation was about. So, um, yes, I will definitely give you an update once I've landed and once I've decided on what I'm doing. Um, but yeah, that's, that's why that's not happening right now.
You gotta have failure is my stepping stone to success. Failure is the, the, the, the evidence. I need to know that I'm on my way. Um, uh, I I've talked about it before. Like I absolutely love Sarah Blakely. Sarah's um, is the, I think I've read, she is the first woman to ever be a self made billionaire. So she didn't inherit any money. She didn't marry into any money. She herself has created a billion dollar business with spanks and her dad, um, when she was a child used to say to her and, uh, other brothers and sisters, I don't know how many brothers and sisters there were, um, what did you fail, um, at today? And if Sarah didn't have anything to say that she failed at, um, she, she had to go fail at something. So failure wasn't failure. The only so, and I teach my kids that as well, they don't, they think the word fail means I didn't try.
Cause that is our only definition of failure in our household. If you didn't try, you failed and failure is not an option. So go out and try. And you're a huge success. So I don't know if that helps you, but it's, you have to love if you want any resemblance of success. And if you want to upgrade your thinking to get results, you need to accept love, embrace rock on, get excited about failure and use that momentum and that motivation to propel you to your next failure and your next failure. Because every failure along the road is a new, a higher failure towards your success. If that makes any sense. So let me just read out this quote. I got, I want you to really hear it. And this is Theodore Roosevelt. Who's Teddy Roosevelt, who I'm pretty sure was a president Kate is giving me the nod.
History is correct. So it is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who was actually in the arena, whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming, but who does actually strive to do the deeds? Who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions who spends himself in a worthy cause who at the best knows in the end, the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who never know victory nor defeat.
And that quote is up in our family command center. Like our kids know that quote it's it's it's. So just that last sentence don't ever be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat, and that's how we live defeated or victorious, but in the arena.